Living Vertically,  Our Kids, Our Family

Sex at 13

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Lets see, we pay the Verizon bill for her cell phone/texting appendage.  And she’s 13 (an 8th grader!).

Her behavior is high caliber and she’s not done anything to challenge our trust. We believe in the mantra that our children will rise to the occasion of our trust and honor. We know our job is to teach boundaries.

We also know that the sex and materialism that assaults our new teenager needs to be offset aggressively and daily.  We don’t want to be idiots any more than we want to be over-controlling.

I’ve recently picked up the habit of scanning her texts with more regularity.  The increasing presence of boys and universal concern from teachers has elevated my attention.  I scan the notes openly and without any malice or desire to trap her or take away her fun.  She knows it.  Our trust for each other is maturing through an important threshold: as she becomes a young adult, I don’t drop to becoming one too.  We must elevate our honor for her as a growing individual and maintain our parental protection, love and authority, (focus: love).  So when I saw the SEX word from an 8th grade boy on her cell phone, Steve and I both wanted to shine a light on it. Not an interrogation spotlight, a love-light.

Yesterday’s sermon from Dr. Jim Samra:
BE LIGHT CONSTANTLY.
The light is to be inviting as well as honest.

We asked our precious daughter about the sex comment from 8th Grade Boy and she acknowledged it, saying it was a comment about another girl’s willingness to talk about sex.” The other girl is a 7th grader..  Hmm… “Are YOU willing to talk about sex?” No.

Let’s use this moment to show her where PURITY draws lines.  Its not acceptable and she can make that known; elevate HER. It’s Off Limits. Let them know you are not open to it; you won’t be their buddy in that way because you’ve got more … you’re worth more.

I hold back my fury and my desire to call the other mom and to grab the boy by his collar and point him to his own parents and say “ARE YOU AWARE?”  I hold my voice in the gentle and trusting place because that IS what I feel, and I don’t want my weak fear to lead the way.
Satan loses again.  We keep healthy and strong, and she knows our desire is to cherish her.

Battle: On.

Day by day.  Each day connects to [God-willing] add up to a healthy young woman who will know she is MORE than the sleaze that gets promoted on ABC.   We pray. She can stand strong knowing her foundation is strong and her priorities are clear. We demonstrate the hedge that God has assigned us to build.

My heart hurts at what she will have to fight through.  I am armed.

 

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17 Comments

  • Christine

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    Wow. Riley is one lucky girl to have you and Steve as parents, and to know God in the way you have shown her!

    • Suzy

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      My Beautiful Sister! Thank you. And her closeness with you, your sons (and that cute husband) have nourished her so much! We are so blessed !!

  • Kerry

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    Suzy thank you for the enlightenment. Sometimes I think Courtney would never get a text about sex. I am reminded by you to be diligent in my faith and use the Lord as our guide when parenting. Thank you

    • Suzy

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      Kerry! Indeed… me neither. But kids are texting naked pictures of themselves; they’re quite desensitized. I’m grateful for Courtney & Riley’s friendship. They’re strong girls. 🙂

  • beth

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    Thanks for sharing .. it is a daily battle and I am reminded almost daily when Sophie shares what happened in her day and asks my advice on how to best handle herself, that we would be lost without the ultimate source to turn to. We gotta keep fighting the fight!! 🙂

    • Suzy

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      Hi Beth! Yes.. And it’s great that their activities and sports keep them busy:)

  • Geri Mateus

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    We will not let Satan touch the masterpieces that have been given to us by our Father.

    • Suzy

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      So right Dear Friend. I Thank God for you!!

  • bryan a

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    great thoughts, Suzy! We’ve got a 10-year old daughter. Not looking forward to some of those delicate/difficult conversations.

    • administrator

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      Hi Bryan,
      Yep: toughest-most-rewarding. This middle-school zone came around the corner like an F-16. And our reflexes are so often NOT the right tool!

      Enjoy every minute…
      Best,
      suzy

  • Julie

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    Suzy: How fortunate Riley is to have parents like you and Steve.
    The guidance you are giving her is priceless, and such a gift of love.
    Your love and truth will have a profound effect on Riley for the rest of her life.
    Love, Julie

    Your writing is fantastic, can’t wait to read “your book”.
    I

    • Suzy

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      Hi Julie!
      Thank you for your encouragement- you certainly provide the right mentoring and modeling for us as parents.
      We navigate these waters with God’s guidance.

      Much love,
      suzy

    • Suzy

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      Hi Jeff,

      Indeed. I am still stunned by the pace of change in this last year. And she’s our 2nd, so you’d think we’d know better. It’s true that our girls need extra armor in this culture … and fearless protection. I’m so glad you came by and shared!
      -s